every writer
every painter
every dreamer
everyone needs
a muse
an inspiration
to inspire
to give
hopes and
put a
smile on
our face
i think
i found
mine

tomorrow, nay

long black hair tucked in a bun. a tiara on top.


a shy smile hiding behind the veil.


face blushing with happiness.


"i look gorgeous today. promise."


giggles as if there was no more tomorrow.



running, running.



"i love you."



door opened.


body wrapped in thick layered white satins, lying motionless on the floor.


eyes that gave off radiance, closed forever.

eyes closed

Big hands. Warm hands.

That lingering feeling on this hand.

Kind smile. Kind eyes.

Secret whisper.

A picture that never really existed. The obsession.

Eyes open. Memories that were never real.

Heartbreak. Pain.


Tears.

magic

We were in Sydney. One fine evening, Abang brought us to a nearby mall. On our way back, we drove past rows of shops. There was one particular shop that caught my eyes -- The Cheesecake Shop. I've always loved cakes. Deep inside, I'm dying to try the cakes from there.

Then Abang made a U-turn, and he stopped the car somewhere near the shop. He got off the car, and asked me to come along. I obediently followed him, and tried hard to match our pace. I'm a slow walker.

He then made a turn and entered a shop. It was that cake store. And he told me to choose a cake that I like.


Abang may not say things like compliments or expressing what's in his heart openly like Khun, but I'd rather have him as my abang one thousand times more, than I want Khun to be my brother.

365 days

It's been a year! How time flies.


Daeyang noona, I haven't thanked you enough. The next time you come to KL, I'll treat you to something nice ;)

*throws confetti*

Thank you for the smiles :)

the greatest thing that the great hiro-sama did to me, ME!

*runs wild, screams in between running*

no other but you

Forgive me for posting this after keeping silent for over one month, but this is just pure happiness.



Ah, Heenim.

de aete yokatta :)

brave heart

A star is not much. It's not an honest word of praise, a friend to share tears and laughs with, or a dream come true. But for me, the star that shines warmly in my room is the sole reminder that even though I'm on my own, I'm not alone.

let your imagination soar

I can't play piano.

Since I was little, I always told my mom I want to learn to play piano. But she said it isn't really necessary. Besides piano classes are not cheap. So she never sent me.

Since I was little, people always look at my fingers and asked whether I play piano. My fingers are long alright, but I don't play piano. What is it about these people who thinks everyone who have long fingers play piano?

Since I was little, I always look at people who can play piano very well with envy. I wish I can play like them too.

Since I was little, since I can't play piano, I always air-pianoing. It's fun. Listening to songs like Canon in D and pretend you can play for real. Like what I did during SPM. I was staring at my paper, trying to remember the answer for the question I was stuck at, with Niji in my head. So I started air-pianoing, so hard, that perhaps the pengawas might think I can really play. Haha.

Maybe this sounds sad. But I really had a good time. You should try :)

two years of happiness

Happy (belated) birthday Charli de Lauro! :)

Well, of course it's not really your birthday. But it's been two years we're together. And I hope we can stay together for as looong as possible!

I really love you, though you're not perfect :)

the wind that wraps

Last Tuesday, while waiting for the clock to turn 3.30, I couldn't help glancing around to see the people around me. I thought, these are the people I've been together with. Some I've known since forever, some I just met or got close with this year, while the others are the kind of friends that I catch up with once in a while. But all of them are precious to me.

I love saying thank yous. I believe by just saying a simple thank you, you can change a frown into a smile. So now, I would like to say my words of gratitude to these people, who have made my life a beautiful one :)


Thank you Nadiah, for always being with me. You supported me on almost everything I do, and when I failed or came across obstacles that had me shed tears, you lent me your shoulder and gave me courage to move on. Thank you for trusting me to listen to your secret, silent thoughts and dreams. Thank you also for the fangirling moments. Haha. I looked forward to go to school everyday so that I can ramble about JE stuffs with you :D I know you love Chinen and Yabu and Hikaru as much as you love Jin, but you see dear Nadiaho, Jin suits you better :) Haha. Oh yea, go Shida! :P
I love you, best friend.

Thank you Dayang, for always listening to my stories although you live across the sea. Sometimes I feel like you're here and you know everything about my school and my friends. Thank you for cheering me up when I'm down, and injecting more hyperness in me. Thank you for introducing me to the sweet honey bee Seunggi. His dimples surely kill. But don't worry, he's all yours. I already have Nino by my side. Haha. Oh yea, you know, you should bring Aaron to me so that I can use my taekwondo skills to kick him and send him to the Antartica :D
I love you, best friend.

Thank you Nicholas, for willing to lend your ears to hear (or eyes to read) my dreamy thoughts and pathetic mumbles. Thank you also for the music recommendations. I'm sorry I don't like Lady Gaga and many of your recommendations, but at least we agreed on some. Remember "Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts"?. Haha. That's one of my favourite lyrics ever. Thank you for following me sneaking to TGV to take a picture of you and Megan. I hope someday when I've gotten rich, I can fly you to Hollywood to meet her :)
I love you, HSBC.

Thank you Nini, for always being so happy and cheerful. In a way, you help putting a smile on my face. Thank you for actually helping me to become more open to people around me. I gained confidence and got to know many good friends through you. Thank you for acting like a big sister to me, although you're much younger. I really appreciate your presence beside me. You know, I'm much more hyper, crazier, friendlier, bravier and happier because of you :) I hope someday I can meet the other Shida at your house. Haha.
I love you, big younger sister.

Thank you Shoba, for not minding my unpredictable craziness. I wish things went clear between you and Darwin. Haha. Well, at least you've found the person who loves you now. I'm sorry for getting annoyed at you sometimes. You know, sometimes I can't deal with so much sighs and kvetches. Thank you for being a great deskmate, although you always leave me alone. Haha. Thank you for being crazy and childish with me at times. The syair we sang together was rather absurd than beautiful. We're Basho and Dashi after all. Who can blame us? :D
I love you, deskmate.

Thank you 5 Amanahians, for being the best class I've ever been in. Your unpredictable weather was always surprising, but it never failed to make me laugh. Surely we had dramas, but hey, we wouldn't be the same without the dramas, right? They sort of bonded us together :) Thank you for the loudness. We had such a looong year. Dissecting the frogs, washing cars and playing hangman at my house seems years ago. I miss having everyone altogether in class. Haha. "We're just one big family", so keep contacting each other, OK?
I love you, classmates.

Thank you Azeem, for being such a good friend. Your happy-go-luckyness never failed to cheer me up. I wish I knew you sooner :) Thank you for supporting me on Luna, although all you contributed was RM2 and some encouraging words. Well, maybe that should be enough. Haha. Thank you for presenting your friend's black guitar to me. Was it Gemilang that you sang while playing it? The sumbangness of your voice made my day. Haha. Thank you for directing such a cool drama. In a way, you made that (not so) secret ambition of mine came true. Thank you for being such a big fan of my food and always came running everytime I mention that four-letter word :D You know, you are such a wonderful boy. I wish you'll find your girl in red soon. Who knows? Maybe she's just right around the corner :)
Thank you, toyboy. Haha.

Thank you Keisha, for being an awesome editor and tuition mate. Your sarcasm always made me laugh. Thank you for loving my writings for the school magazine. You know, one of the proudest moment in my life was when everyone clapped for me after you read the prologue and epilogue I wrote for me. I can't thank you enough for that :) Thank you for always asking questions during tuition. They helped me a lot. Thank you for hating the Gardenia song, because singing the song to you and watching you getting irritated always made my day. Hahaha :D Don't forget to "Pin pin, Shidaaa" in front of my house once you've got your driving license.
I love you, K.

Thank you Sze Ting, for being a good friend to me since Form 1. You were always nice to me that I wished I could do something in return to you. Thank you for not minding Shoba and me in class. We know we were loud. Thank you for always telling me about good books. You know, I really hope I could understand Chinese so that I can read your books. Haha. Thank you for being such a darling in 5A. Being with you along with Jess, Endarah and the others always made me burst out laughing. Oh yea, I hope the big bantal I gave you four years ago is still in a good condition. Haha :D
I love you, Tingtong.

Thank you Lukman, for being such a wonderful friend. Although you annoyed me for coming late for taekwondo every week, you actually paid back with your amazing kicks and swings. Haha. Thank you for introducing me to the beauty of guitar in a way that even you didn't realize. Watching you play was just like a simple clarity to me. Thank you for taking time to read my scribbling book, and liking them. Thank you for being so delighted everytime I did some nice things to you. It made me feel like doing it more. Haha. Thank you for being someone who makes the people around you feels safe. You are a person with a big heart :)
I love you, Lutetium.

Thank you Daia, for staying as a friend for 10 years now. You were the first person who came to me and said hi during our first day in primary. Thank you for helping me with so many things. Thank you for inserting me regularly in your plans. Nico's birthday celebration was awesome. I hope all of us can do things like that again. Thank you for being so thin and active. You gave me the inspiration to work out more. Haha. I hope we can stay as friends more 10 more years :)
I love you, old friend.

Thank you Aisyah, for always being there for me to annoy. I understand how deep your love for nasi lemak. But I'm telling you girl, don't eat too much, it's not healthy for you. Thank you for helping me with things once in a while, especially during the Sawi Jackson project. Your brilliant ideas helped our team a lot :) Thank you for giving me hugs. Your hugs made me feel very warmed. Thank you for your sarcasm. It sometimes brightened up my day. You see, I'm much more sarcastic now because of you. You're my tok guru. Haha :D
I love you, Aisy.

Thank you Imran, for being a funny friend. I'm sure not many knows that. Thank you for your sarcasm against Mr Param in class. I still remember the way you said "Satu penemuan baru" when Azif and Naura said they had never heard of decible and "A is wrong" when he didn't respond at your answer just like he always says them. Hahaha. You upset me when you said you quitted tuition, because the class is much funnier with you around. Thank you for resembling Nishiki although you have no idea who on earth he was :D
I love you, on-and-off tuition mate.

Thank you Sarah, for being a wonderful friend. Thank you for your help handling the taekwondo kids for me. I wouldn't know how to control them without you. Seriously, they listened to you more. Thank you for being my partner during the lessons. Seeing your powerful kicks and swings made me work harder, so that I can be as good as you. Thank you for your beautiful smiles. They always made my days brighter. I bet once you've taken our braces off, you'll look much prettier :)
I love you, girl.

Thank you M, for the super delicious tiramisu. I should get close with you sooner, so that I can ask you to make it more often. Hahaha. I still haven't made the tiramisu using your recipe though. Mascarpone cheese is too expensive -__- Thank you for being my sarcasm partner. I love being sarcastic around you. Haha :D Thank you for actually being so cool right before SPM. Although it was funny seeing you like that, you somehow made me calm.
I love you, food lover.

Thank you Naura, for being such a darling. Your sneeze is an epic. Haha. Thank you for the 'informations' you gave me during trials. "Apa saja demi trial", right? Thank you for making Physics class funner. One of the reasons I looked forward for Physics classes every week was you. Thank you for your sarcasm. Funny sarcasms make my day :D I'm really going to miss you, girl.
I love you, girl in pink.

I still have more. I will update it soon :)

for the person whose eyes twinkle :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Although I just found out about your birthday last Friday, I'm still glad that I did. Because I managed to give you a surprise call in the middle of the night :D

Once again, happy birthday! Keep being the good person I've always known. Keep smiling because your smiles do wonders to me and the people around you. Keep strumming your guitar because it made a lot of people happy whether you know it or not. Most important of all, keep being the person I know I can always turn to, because you actually make me feel safe :)

Love, Shida :)

may be forever

the end

Do you know why I try the hardest that I could to go to school everyday these days? Like everyone knows, we Form 5s are getting closer to end our school days.

Honestly, the idea of not going to school anymore scares me, although that is what I have been dreaming of. We go to school everyday knowing what to expect, or at least, we can have the ideas of what's going to happen. We know who are we going to meet. We know where we are heading to with each step we take. We know that we are going a place we are familiar with, or for some, feel safe at.

I didn't like going to school, and I couldn't wait to graduate from school. But ever since I watched this scene in One Tree Hill a few years ago, suddenly my eyes became wide open of what school is to many of the students. In that scene, the school counselor asked Brooke about her plan for college. Here's what she said: "The truth is I don't really like to think about college, 'cause that means high school's over. After graduation, everyone will probably go play basketball or sing or start record labels. And I'll have to start all over. Alone."

That made me think. School is a safe place, whether you realize it or not. Like I already mentioned, we know what to expect in school, but not outside. I don't know what to expect later. I don't know whether I'll get to meet my friends again. I don't know how we all will change. I don't know whether things can stay same. Some, at least, if not all. And the truth is, I'm kind of scared about the future.

And that's why I try hard to go to school every single day. I don't have much time left to cherish everything I have now. Therefore, I want to make use every minute of it very wisely now, so that I will know, I did have my own safe place once. I'll also know that I have priceless memories about one of the best times of my life :')

of Kuala Kangsar and Cendol of the World

Yesterday, together my auntie, her husband and my nenek saudara, my family and I went on a trip to Kuala Kangsar. Actually, it just began with us going to attend a distant relative's wedding in Ipoh. Then we all had this idea to continue our journey to Kuala Kangsar since it has been ages since we last go there. Abah was reluctant to go at the first place, but he had to give up since we all urged him to =P

Well, I have been wanting to go there for months. I really love it there. To be honest, I love Kuala Kangsar more than I love my kampung.

On our way there, I already had this vision of that something I've been craving for so long: the world's greatest Cendol Kuala Kangsar. You see, everytime we went to send, visit or pick up Abang, we always always would stopped by this food court by the river. One of the stall sells the best cendol ever. Slllrrp.

We stopped at the mosque first. Seeing the Masjid Ubudiah, I remembered something else that I've been missing: one of the world's greatest ice cream. I had always been one of that pakcik aiskrim's most loyal customer ever since Abang was in Form 1. Armed with an old motorcycle with colourful umbrella and a tong of traditional ice cream, that pakcik awaits me patiently in front of the mosque. Here is a picture of that yummy ice cream:


After that, we went to the great food court. But since we were accompanied by my auntie, uncle and nenek saudara, I had to be more patient since they wanted to look around at the the souvenir shops. So while waiting for them, I just gazed at the stall wth my blurry eye and said, "wait for me, cendol."

Finally, Abah couldn't wait anymore. He decided to head to the stall first. So, of course the impatient me and Kakngah tagged along. When the waiter came to us to take our order, I blurted out "cendol!" right away. Hahaha. Here's a picture of the Cendol of the World:


Unfortunately, my tummy couldn't take much santan although I'm a big big big fan of the cendol. I only managed to slurp about three quarter of it before passing it to my mom. Oh well.

Of course, Abah passed by Abang's former school, the great MCKK earlier (yes, it's awesomely great. Plus their canteen also sells the best air sirap). It feels weird just passing it by without entering. It's like our trip there wasn't complete without Abang :(

So that was it. Although it was too short, I had a fabulous time in my beloved Kuala Kangsar. I shall go visit again and again sooner or later (:

O Big Tree, we shall meet again soon :')

hujan bunga

Have you heard of Ana Raffali?

I first knew about her through The Star's R.AGE column. There was a big photo of her wearing a lovely cream baju kebaya and holding a beautiful mahogany-coloured guitar. That photo really attracted my attention. A few days later, I searched for her song, Hujan Bunga di Kuala Lumpur in YouTube. I was instantly mesmerized.

Ana was an English teacher, believe it or not. But then, she realized that she loves writing songs and singing more than she loves teaching. Most of her songs are in Bahasa Malaysia, attributed to her love of her native language. Besides, she usually wears baju kurung or baju kebaya when performing as "they are more comfortable".

She opened my eyes to see that my native language is beautiful. She made me realized that everyone looks dazzling in our traditional clothes. She inspired me to write more wonderful songs. Most importantly, she taught me to just be myself and feel good about it.

Just watch this number, and you'll understand why I fell in love with her (:

the sun will rise again

the signal that changes from red to green
in the midst of a journey of no return
I want to go forward believing in tomorrow
alone in this evening shower
there may be times when I stop and look back
but I won't be afraid of anything

Bella Luna (:

ATT:

In order to raise money for my Luna Fund, I'd like to announce here that I'll be selling photos of people around school that I have snapped; random or not. Price is yet to be announced. Therefore, if you are interested to buy some photos to be kept as memories which you will cherish in the years to come, you may find me, select the pictures and place your orders.

Thank you. Your kindness will always be remembered :)