unfulfilled ambition

When I was in Standard 5, my Kaklong who had just finished high school, just like I am now, told my mom her friend was working at Secret Recipe. Having heard that, I thought, it'd be nice working there. Somehow the idea struck me, and rested in my head. So since that day, I've always been dreaming of working at Secret Recipe. I've always been telling myself while looking at the people working there, someday I'll be joining them. I've always imagined myself wearing that grey uniform.


My parents went to perform Hajj last year, starting early November until mid-December. So throughout my SPM days, they weren't here. My uncle and aunt came to stay with me. They took care of everything - right from meals to sending and picking me up from school. Therefore, once SPM was over, I thought I didn't want to trouble them any more by having to send and pick me up from work. So I thought I'd wait until my parents get back.


Several days before January starts, I finally asked for Secret Recipe job at SACC Mall. I wanted to work there because it is one of my favourite branches. They asked me to fill up a form, and said they would call. I went home with a thought that I'll start in January, and I waited. But they never did call.


A week or two later, I asked again. This time at Giant. However, this time, the guy only asked me to write my name and phone number. He told me about the work, the time they start, the time they finish, people my age working there, the shifts - everything. This time, I thought I'll definitely get it. So once again, I went home with a renewed hope, and once again, I waited. Once again, they never called.


After that, I stopped asking for a Secret Recipe job.


My mom told me I should try somewhere else, like MPH, but I turned her idea down. My relative even offered me a Kumon job, but I turned it down too. People said I was too choosy, but I wasn't. I really wasn't. The thing is, I've always imagined myself working at Secret Recipe since I was in primary school. So, when I didn't get the job, it's like my whole spirit to work vanished. I couldn't imagine myself working somewhere else. Even the thought had me shuddering. To me, doing so is like betraying my heart.


They don't get it. My dream was crushed. The dream I've always been dreaming of isn't coming true. Now it will never come true. They just can't understand it.



I got the job!

let your imagination soar

I can't play piano.

Since I was little, I always told my mom I want to learn to play piano. But she said it isn't really necessary. Besides piano classes are not cheap. So she never sent me.

Since I was little, people always look at my fingers and asked whether I play piano. My fingers are long alright, but I don't play piano. What is it about these people who thinks everyone who have long fingers play piano?

Since I was little, I always look at people who can play piano very well with envy. I wish I can play like them too.

Since I was little, since I can't play piano, I always air-pianoing. It's fun. Listening to songs like Canon in D and pretend you can play for real. Like what I did during SPM. I was staring at my paper, trying to remember the answer for the question I was stuck at, with Niji in my head. So I started air-pianoing, so hard, that perhaps the pengawas might think I can really play. Haha.

Maybe this sounds sad. But I really had a good time. You should try :)

for those who forgot

This is for you, Dayang, who has forgotten the killer dimples and super sweet smile of my only choice of bakal menantu for your mom.

And this is for you, Nadiah, who has slightly forgotten the hidden warm heart under the cold expression of this Bakanishi.

Hahaha!