i don't remember me, do you?

and i'll finally see

don't you run too fast, my dear
why don't you stop?
just stop and listen to your tears
they're all you've got

di situ duniaku

Saya suka duduk di bawah meja. Bawah meja? Ya, saya suka duduk di situ. Meja besar saya tempat saya membuat kerja sekolah dan kerja-kerja lain, saya sekali-sekala akan duduk di bawahnya dan membiarkan fikiran saya menerawang meninggalkan realiti dunia.

Sebenarnya, kali pertama saya duduk di situ ialah semasa saya menyorok dari mak saya. Haha. Saja mengada-ngada nak suruh dia cari. Tapi rancangan saya tidak menjadi. Saya yang kepanasan di situ kerana mak saya malas nak cari saya. Ape la.

OK, berbalik kepada cerita saya. Saya suka duduk di bawah meja saya. Kadang-kadang saya hanya saja-saja duduk di situ sambil mendengar MP3. Kadang-kadang saya duduk di situ untuk mencari ketenangan dan berseorangan. Kadang-kadang untuk membaca buku atau membaca nota-nota pelajaran. Kadang-kadang untuk berfikir, mencari ilham atau melihat kembali kenangan lampau. Kadang-kadang untuk memikirkan kesalahan lalu. Kadang-kadang untuk ketawa sendiri tanpa didengari orang lain. Dan selalunya untuk menangis tanpa dilihati orang lain.

Di bawah meja itu, walaupun agak sempit, tidak selesa dan panas, saya berasa selamat dan bebas. Di situ dunia saya, tempat saya membuka minda dan kotak hati tentang dunia luar. Di situ tempat saya mencari perlindungan ketika saya berada di titik kemuncak kesedihan, kesepian atau kekecewaan. Di situ tempat saya melakar mimpi-mimpi yang kadang-kadang mustahil untuk dilaksanakan.

Di bawah meja tua dan tidak secantik meja-meja di IKEA itu, saya membebaskan diri saya untuk menjadi Shahida yang sebenar, walaupun untuk sementara waktu.

Moonlight

1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer;
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag some friends who might enjoy doing the questions as well as the person you got the note from.

1. What is your theme song?
Kelly Clarkson - Beautiful Disaster :D

2.What do your friends think of you?
Augustana - More Than A Love Song

3. What do you think about very often?
Ivy - Edge Of The Ocean

4. What is 2 + 2?
Motion City Soundtrack - Fell In Love Without You (acoustic)

5. What do you think of your best friends?
JoJo ft Bow Wow - Baby, It's You
Haha:D

6. What do you think of the person you like?
Adele - Cold Shoulder
Haha:D

7. What is your life story?
Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love
-_-"

8. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Jay Chou - Ting Ma Ma De Hua
Haha:D I'll listen to my mom's words

9. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
David Archuleta - Angels :)

10. What do your parents think of you?
We The Kings - This Is Our Town ?

11. What will you dance to at your wedding?
Kelly Clarkson - Hear Me
Oh my, so depressing -_-"

12. What will they play at your funeral?
Aizat - Lagu Kita
This is kinda sweet:)

14. What is your biggest secret?
Jason Mraz - Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy
OK, maybe I am a good old fashioned lover girl... ;D

15. What do you think of your friends?
The Cardigans - Lovefool
Haha:D

16. What’s the worst thing that could happen?
Augustana - California's Burning
Haha:D

17. How will you die?
John Mayer - Free Fallin' (acoustic)
Now I'm free? :D

18. What is the one thing you regret?
Grace Potter & The Nocturnals - Apologies ?

19. What makes you laugh?
Buckcherry - Sorry :D

20. What makes you cry?
Bethany Joy Galeotti - Elsewhere

21. Will you ever get married?
Yuna - Lie To Me With Style
Haha:D

22. What scares you the most?
Ken Hirai - Canvas ?

23. Does anyone like you?
David Archuleta - A Little Too Not Over You

24. If you could go back in time would you change?
Hujan - Kotak Hati

25. What hurts right now?
The Filthy Youth - Le Soleil

26. What will you post this as?
Yiruma - Moonlight
Hmm, that's nice:)

thank me for hating you

Have you ever met someone you really hate that you can't stand being with that person even for just 5 seconds? I did.

There's this guard here at IJN who is very very very irritating. I keep hating him more each time I see him. He guards the lifts here so whether I like or not I have to face him each time I come here

The first time I met him, I didn't hate him like I do now. I thought he was nice because he push all the buttons and stop the lifts for us. But then, he started to annoy me each time I see him. The thing that made me really really pissed off is when one calm evening, I went down to the ground floor to go to surau. But when we wanted to go upstairs again, he smiled sweetly at us and asked, "Nak tengok siape puan?". We were like, puan? Can't he see? I'm barely 17 and my Kaklong'd just turned 23 last November, and he called us puan? So we told him we're seeing our dad. And then after several other questions from him, he said, "Mintak maaf ye, waktu melawat dah habis. Pukul 6 baru boleh naik,". That really pissed me off. I mean, he knows us, for God's sake! At that very moment, my anger towards him membara and couldn't be hidden. I stood there with my superangry face and I couldn't even look at his face. I felt like using all my black belt skills and kick him with all my strength and energy.

And then he did it again. I was with my Kaklong and Kakngah. We were waiting downstairs for the waktu melawat because we just didn't want to argue with him again. So when we were entering the lift, he was standing about 55cm from me. I, as usual, made an annoyed face and didn't even look at him. And he, irritatingly, said in a low voice, "Masamnye muke. Senyum la sikit." Can you imagine he said that to me? He just made me more pissed off than ever.

Now, every single time I look at him, I have to try so hard to control my temper. I talked to Kaklong about how should we do to kick him out from IJN. I told her we are the Adik-Beradik Hentam (you'll know what I mean if you watch The Mighty Ducks), let's bash him up, or burn up his house. Then she said, "Ikat die, lepas tu letak kerengga kat badan."

Now, right now, he's right over there at the lifts, and I am gathering my strength not to go to him and kick his butt into the lift and make it stuck for the whole month.

let's get rich

rock of the family

My Dad will undergo an operation at IJN tomorrow morning. You know, the bypass thingy we just learned a few weeks back in Biology. He will undergo it next morning.

It's really hard seeing him at the hospital, especially on his first few days there. My Dad who has always been the strong, tough man in our family, lying on the bed, looking so fragile. I can't imagine how it feels for him.

Guys, please pray for him, please.