breithla sona

i wish to write you a poem
but alas, there is no word
that can define my feelings
there can be no word
that can define you
because you are you
and you are the best at being you
and i am here
comparing my love to the stars
because words are beautiful
but you are even more so

close your eyes

For that person who proved to me that from nothing, you can become something very important by trying your very best at the thing you're truly passionate at, thank you.

de aete yokatta :)

the wind that wraps

Last Tuesday, while waiting for the clock to turn 3.30, I couldn't help glancing around to see the people around me. I thought, these are the people I've been together with. Some I've known since forever, some I just met or got close with this year, while the others are the kind of friends that I catch up with once in a while. But all of them are precious to me.

I love saying thank yous. I believe by just saying a simple thank you, you can change a frown into a smile. So now, I would like to say my words of gratitude to these people, who have made my life a beautiful one :)


Thank you Nadiah, for always being with me. You supported me on almost everything I do, and when I failed or came across obstacles that had me shed tears, you lent me your shoulder and gave me courage to move on. Thank you for trusting me to listen to your secret, silent thoughts and dreams. Thank you also for the fangirling moments. Haha. I looked forward to go to school everyday so that I can ramble about JE stuffs with you :D I know you love Chinen and Yabu and Hikaru as much as you love Jin, but you see dear Nadiaho, Jin suits you better :) Haha. Oh yea, go Shida! :P
I love you, best friend.

Thank you Dayang, for always listening to my stories although you live across the sea. Sometimes I feel like you're here and you know everything about my school and my friends. Thank you for cheering me up when I'm down, and injecting more hyperness in me. Thank you for introducing me to the sweet honey bee Seunggi. His dimples surely kill. But don't worry, he's all yours. I already have Nino by my side. Haha. Oh yea, you know, you should bring Aaron to me so that I can use my taekwondo skills to kick him and send him to the Antartica :D
I love you, best friend.

Thank you Nicholas, for willing to lend your ears to hear (or eyes to read) my dreamy thoughts and pathetic mumbles. Thank you also for the music recommendations. I'm sorry I don't like Lady Gaga and many of your recommendations, but at least we agreed on some. Remember "Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts"?. Haha. That's one of my favourite lyrics ever. Thank you for following me sneaking to TGV to take a picture of you and Megan. I hope someday when I've gotten rich, I can fly you to Hollywood to meet her :)
I love you, HSBC.

Thank you Nini, for always being so happy and cheerful. In a way, you help putting a smile on my face. Thank you for actually helping me to become more open to people around me. I gained confidence and got to know many good friends through you. Thank you for acting like a big sister to me, although you're much younger. I really appreciate your presence beside me. You know, I'm much more hyper, crazier, friendlier, bravier and happier because of you :) I hope someday I can meet the other Shida at your house. Haha.
I love you, big younger sister.

Thank you Shoba, for not minding my unpredictable craziness. I wish things went clear between you and Darwin. Haha. Well, at least you've found the person who loves you now. I'm sorry for getting annoyed at you sometimes. You know, sometimes I can't deal with so much sighs and kvetches. Thank you for being a great deskmate, although you always leave me alone. Haha. Thank you for being crazy and childish with me at times. The syair we sang together was rather absurd than beautiful. We're Basho and Dashi after all. Who can blame us? :D
I love you, deskmate.

Thank you 5 Amanahians, for being the best class I've ever been in. Your unpredictable weather was always surprising, but it never failed to make me laugh. Surely we had dramas, but hey, we wouldn't be the same without the dramas, right? They sort of bonded us together :) Thank you for the loudness. We had such a looong year. Dissecting the frogs, washing cars and playing hangman at my house seems years ago. I miss having everyone altogether in class. Haha. "We're just one big family", so keep contacting each other, OK?
I love you, classmates.

Thank you Azeem, for being such a good friend. Your happy-go-luckyness never failed to cheer me up. I wish I knew you sooner :) Thank you for supporting me on Luna, although all you contributed was RM2 and some encouraging words. Well, maybe that should be enough. Haha. Thank you for presenting your friend's black guitar to me. Was it Gemilang that you sang while playing it? The sumbangness of your voice made my day. Haha. Thank you for directing such a cool drama. In a way, you made that (not so) secret ambition of mine came true. Thank you for being such a big fan of my food and always came running everytime I mention that four-letter word :D You know, you are such a wonderful boy. I wish you'll find your girl in red soon. Who knows? Maybe she's just right around the corner :)
Thank you, toyboy. Haha.

Thank you Keisha, for being an awesome editor and tuition mate. Your sarcasm always made me laugh. Thank you for loving my writings for the school magazine. You know, one of the proudest moment in my life was when everyone clapped for me after you read the prologue and epilogue I wrote for me. I can't thank you enough for that :) Thank you for always asking questions during tuition. They helped me a lot. Thank you for hating the Gardenia song, because singing the song to you and watching you getting irritated always made my day. Hahaha :D Don't forget to "Pin pin, Shidaaa" in front of my house once you've got your driving license.
I love you, K.

Thank you Sze Ting, for being a good friend to me since Form 1. You were always nice to me that I wished I could do something in return to you. Thank you for not minding Shoba and me in class. We know we were loud. Thank you for always telling me about good books. You know, I really hope I could understand Chinese so that I can read your books. Haha. Thank you for being such a darling in 5A. Being with you along with Jess, Endarah and the others always made me burst out laughing. Oh yea, I hope the big bantal I gave you four years ago is still in a good condition. Haha :D
I love you, Tingtong.

Thank you Lukman, for being such a wonderful friend. Although you annoyed me for coming late for taekwondo every week, you actually paid back with your amazing kicks and swings. Haha. Thank you for introducing me to the beauty of guitar in a way that even you didn't realize. Watching you play was just like a simple clarity to me. Thank you for taking time to read my scribbling book, and liking them. Thank you for being so delighted everytime I did some nice things to you. It made me feel like doing it more. Haha. Thank you for being someone who makes the people around you feels safe. You are a person with a big heart :)
I love you, Lutetium.

Thank you Daia, for staying as a friend for 10 years now. You were the first person who came to me and said hi during our first day in primary. Thank you for helping me with so many things. Thank you for inserting me regularly in your plans. Nico's birthday celebration was awesome. I hope all of us can do things like that again. Thank you for being so thin and active. You gave me the inspiration to work out more. Haha. I hope we can stay as friends more 10 more years :)
I love you, old friend.

Thank you Aisyah, for always being there for me to annoy. I understand how deep your love for nasi lemak. But I'm telling you girl, don't eat too much, it's not healthy for you. Thank you for helping me with things once in a while, especially during the Sawi Jackson project. Your brilliant ideas helped our team a lot :) Thank you for giving me hugs. Your hugs made me feel very warmed. Thank you for your sarcasm. It sometimes brightened up my day. You see, I'm much more sarcastic now because of you. You're my tok guru. Haha :D
I love you, Aisy.

Thank you Imran, for being a funny friend. I'm sure not many knows that. Thank you for your sarcasm against Mr Param in class. I still remember the way you said "Satu penemuan baru" when Azif and Naura said they had never heard of decible and "A is wrong" when he didn't respond at your answer just like he always says them. Hahaha. You upset me when you said you quitted tuition, because the class is much funnier with you around. Thank you for resembling Nishiki although you have no idea who on earth he was :D
I love you, on-and-off tuition mate.

Thank you Sarah, for being a wonderful friend. Thank you for your help handling the taekwondo kids for me. I wouldn't know how to control them without you. Seriously, they listened to you more. Thank you for being my partner during the lessons. Seeing your powerful kicks and swings made me work harder, so that I can be as good as you. Thank you for your beautiful smiles. They always made my days brighter. I bet once you've taken our braces off, you'll look much prettier :)
I love you, girl.

Thank you M, for the super delicious tiramisu. I should get close with you sooner, so that I can ask you to make it more often. Hahaha. I still haven't made the tiramisu using your recipe though. Mascarpone cheese is too expensive -__- Thank you for being my sarcasm partner. I love being sarcastic around you. Haha :D Thank you for actually being so cool right before SPM. Although it was funny seeing you like that, you somehow made me calm.
I love you, food lover.

Thank you Naura, for being such a darling. Your sneeze is an epic. Haha. Thank you for the 'informations' you gave me during trials. "Apa saja demi trial", right? Thank you for making Physics class funner. One of the reasons I looked forward for Physics classes every week was you. Thank you for your sarcasm. Funny sarcasms make my day :D I'm really going to miss you, girl.
I love you, girl in pink.

I still have more. I will update it soon :)

spring

I hear you crying over the phone
Even though I said it wouldn't matter if everyone in the world was our enemy
What should I do, if I can't even protect your smile?

twentyfive

I was inspired to write a list of 25 random things about me as soon after reading this month's issue of KLue. And here they are:


ONE
My mind wanders a lot, even without me realizing it.

TWO
Azuan was my first ever best friend. He was the first person to say hello to me on my first day in kindergarten. The other boys always called him names because he likes to mix with the girls in class but I think he was (and still is) such a sweetie because he was always one of the firsts to get out from class to save me the swing. Thanks a zillion, Azuan:)

THREE
I avoid singing in front of public (except my family) as much as I can. I really love music but I really can't sing.

FOUR
I told my mom and my sisters if all four of us (Kaklong, Kakngah, Abang and me) form a band, I would call it Adik-Beradik Hentam band. And I would introduce Kaklong as Kaklong Hentam, Kakngah as Kakngah Hentam, Abang as Abang Hentam and me as Adik Hentam. Haha:D

FIVE
My primary e-mail password is based on my first major crush's birthday. And I'm not planning to change it.

SIX
The day my family moved here, I refused to go for bath in the morning because "Adik nak mandi kolam,". My nenek saudara who happened to be there laughed like it was the funniest joke ever. And, she told her children that.

SEVEN
I am suffering from lisp. Some of my friends and family always tease me for that, and I hate them for that.

EIGHT
I have names for some of the things I (and my family) own. For instance, I call our Charade car Carlos, our Getz Paulo and our Odyssey Magda. I even call my phone Charli, my favourite blue watch Paige and my blue Nike bag given by Abang Molly.

NINE
I once typed my named on Flickr search box and I found out there's a singer (which I suspected in Africa) named Shahida.

TEN
I discovered most of my tak-pernah-dengar-pun-penyanyi-dia songs from TV shows and movies. Mostly I got them from OTH.

ELEVEN
Speaking of OTH, I once had a huge crush on Chad Michael Murray but as soon as I learned that he cheated on his sweet, beautiful, hot, kind-hearted, adorable and graceful wife, Sophia Bush with Paris Hilton, he became one of the guys I hate most.

TWELVE
I told my mom and Mayo the only boarding school I would attend is MCKK.

THIRTEEN
I cry very easily.

FOURTEEN
I learned a fantastic crying technique from Blair Waldorf which I find very useful especially if we're in a hurry.

FIFTEEN
Abang is one of the two major reasons why I started blogging. The other is because I just love writing:)

SIXTEEN
I only started to eat banana in public again several years after some of my horrible Form 1 classmates (and their friends) stopped calling me Pisang.

SEVENTEEN
A boy named Farouq which I call Ketua was my first ever crush. I first met him when I was in Standard 2 on my first day in Taekwondo class (Daia, you know him for sure:P). However, he only spoke to me - I mean really spoke to me - about a couple of years later. I came across him when I was riding on my bicycle and he asked me this, "Esok ada Taekwondo tak?". I was all smile that day:)

EIGHTEEN
I've never met and known anyone who shares the same birthday with me before until I found out James Lafferty's birthday. Gosh, I really do love you Jamie:)

NINETEEN
I stated loud and clear for several times before that I do not wish to be a doctor because I hate studying 24/7.

TWENTY
When I was in Form 3, my trial result dropped to 3As because I was busy reading Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows.

TWENTY-ONE
I usually don't tell my best friends my secrets. But Dayang is different, and I don't know why.

TWENTY-TWO
According to Aisy, I am 'stealthily loud'. At first I didn't agree it but then I realized I am stealthily loud. Thank you very much Aisy;D

TWENTY-THREE
On the day my family moved from Kemaman to Kuala Terengganu, I was riding on my favourite pink bunny tricycle when a lorry came and one of the guys took the tricycle from me. I ran to my mom and cried. Gosh, how could he do that to such an adorable and innocent child?

TWENTY-FOUR
I call myself my mom's Golden Daughter. She just laughed each time I said that

TWENTY-FIVE
Always, what happened around me got me thinking. Always, TV shows like Honey and Clover and OTH, and songs got me thinking. Always, watching strangers got me thinking. Always, my imaginations, what-could-have-beens and what-should-have-beens got me thinking. And always, I think too much.

true love conquers all

My favourite book ever.

I've read this book about four to five times, and I'm trembling to read again and again. I was so glad I decided to just buy it at the warehouse sale I went to years ago. That was one of the best decision I've ever made.

Kaitlin Malone is the Scribbler of Dreams, a girl who was born to hate the Crutchfields, especially Robert Crutchfield got killed accidentally and caused her father to be imprisoned. And because of that, Kaitlin and her sister, Abbey was forced to go to Twin Oaks High School which was founded by the Amanda and Maggie Crutchfield with a different identity.

Kaitlin finds solace in writing journals. During lunch at Twin Oaks, she spends time alone in a quiet courtyard as she scribbles in her journal and explores her world of dreams and hopes. There, she meets an artist who captures truth in his potraits - Bram Crutchfield. Somehow, after sharing afternoons together in the same courtyard, she learns that they can share so much more, even love.

As she gives her heart to Bram, Kaitlin learns the truth behind the bitter legacy between the Crutchfields and the Malones. And she learns to forgive them. But she is torned to choose either her family and say goodbye to the love of her life, or Bram and turn her back to her family.

What I love most about this book is the style of language. It was so damn beautiful. For example, this is one Kaitlin's entry in her journal:

September 6.
Back and forth. Back and forth. The tide ebbs and swirls, surrounding, reaching, touching with its foamy fingers. Teasing at my last breathless moments. Surging up and over, pulling me under. The tide is winning ... but for a moment my foot brushes the bottom, and I am able to push, to grasp hold for a few last breaths. For a moment the tide must wait.

I am definitely reading Scribbler of Dreams to float together with Kaitlin and be dazzled by Bram over and over again after all this SPM madness ;)

why does it always rain on me

Blair: If you want her back all you have to do is tell her the truth.
Chuck: That what? I was stupid enough to have listened to you?
Blair: Yes. And then tell her what you really wanted to do. Get to know her, go to the movies, hold hands. And even though you're scared, you're willing to risk everything just to do that.
Chuck: Why should I listen to you?
Blair: Like I said. She's me.

the chuck-files

together

tears and rain

One of the best, that's what I call it.
Just like everybody else, I have crushes. And among them all, I shared one of the best moments in my life with someone I met four years ago and fell for him all over again last year.

It was just an ordinary Thursday afternoon when I was walking to my car from the Living Skills workshop. There were so many people at the gate. I was holding my file on my left hand. After I managed to push my way from the throngs of people, I felt someone accidentally bumped into my left arm from the back. Feeling very helpless and thoughtless, I dropped my file. I stared at it without any feelings of anger. Just disappointed that I had to pick it up. Then I remembered the person who bumped into me. I glanced at him, and was surprised. My crush was standing right in front of me with a guilty look with a smile on his face. We stared at each other, and continued doing it for several seconds. Then I realized I haven't pick up my poor file yet. So I squatted down to pick it up, which he also did, only faster. He picked my file up so sweetly, so charmingly, so manly, so gracefully, and handed it to me with such a dazzling smile and gentle eyes. He then quietly whispered "Sorry," to me. I, whom was melting head to toe (most notably heart), smiled back and said "Takpe,". I swear I was adding "Buat la lagi," in my head. He continued to smile for another two seconds before walking back to his friends, while I floated to my car..

gotta go my own way

Chuck Bass: Look, I never should have abandoned you. I knew I made the wrong decision as soon as your plane took off. I distracted myself all summer, hoping I wouldn't feel it, but I still do.
Blair: And?
Chuck: I was scared. Scared that if we spent the whole summer together, just us, you would see...
Blair: See what?
Chuck: Me...please don't leave with him.
Blair: Why? Give me a reason... and "I'm Chuck Bass" doesn't count.
Chuck: 'Cause you don't want to.
Blair: Not good enough.
Chuck: 'Cause I don't want you to.
Blair: That's not enough.
Chuck: What else is there?
Blair: The true reason I should stay right where I am and not get in the car. Three words. Eight letters. Say it... and I'm yours.
Chuck: I... I ... [pause]
Blair: Thank you. That's all I needed here.

grin and bear it

Looking forward for this week's Latte@8. Ahaha.
I Love You, Reza Salleh:D

deny, deny, deny

Lucas: I don't hate you. I remember the first time I ever saw you. All skinny arms and tangled mess of hair. It was hard letting you go, Peyton. It was hard losing you, and it was hard seeing you again...and it's still really hard.
Peyton: I know...While I'm asleep I have this dream where we're back in the hotel room in L.A. And you propose to me, and every single time I say yes.
Lucas: It's just a dream, right?
Peyton: It's my dream.

thanks for the memories

Taken from OK! Weekly magazine, August 2006



Sophia Bush's graceful manner and total composure in front of the camera are all the more admirable given that she's had one the most difficult years of her life. When her much publicized April 2005 marriage to fellow One Tree Hill star Chad Michael Murray ended in an annulment after just five months, she was understandably devastated. Sophia has had the unenviable task of working with her ex every day on set, as well as seeing him get engaged again, to 18 years-old show extra Kenzie Dalton. But while most people would crumble in this situation, Sophia handles it all with total professionalism. Her frankness about how she's become a stronger and more introspective person after the split is impressive. Sophia is spending her hiatus from One Tree Hill in Texas filming the remake of 1986 thriller The Hitcher, in which she stars opposite British hunk Sean Bean. You can currently watch her on the big screen in high school comedy John Tucker Must Die.
Here, Sophia speaks candidly for the first time about how she's dealt with the end of her marriage and why heartache will not stop her from finding love again.

Are you sad that i didn't work out with Chad?
No, I'm not sad it didn't work out because it wasn't supposed to. I'm much better off now and much happier than I've ever been,, so I wouldn't change anything.

Has it turned you off relationships?
No. I think people go through things for reasons. This last year has been wonderful for me because I've always put all my faith in the world and really believed in people, even when everyone else doesn't. I don't ever want to lose that, but, at the same time, I think the last year has given me the perspective to really take care of myself.

Was the breakup difficult?
It wasn't fun to go through, but I value it for what it taught me. I think there's nothing greater in the world than love and relationships. I look at my parents' marriage -- they've been together for 25 years and they're astounding! They're still crazy about each other. Just because things don't workout the way you've planned, I don't think it should change your mind. I respect marriage as an institution and wish it wasn't taken so lightly. It's something I value and take seriously.

How is it working with Chad?
It's something I have to do. It's part of my job. I value being an actor more than anything and I would never jeopardize that. I would never give up my integrity as an actor because of my personal life -- I could never stomach that. I go to work and I do my job for the audience. At the end of the day, I love playing Brooke. If I were allowing my personal life to get in the way of that. I'd be taking this opportunity for granted.

But it must be hard since he's found a new relationship on set?
There are good days and bad days, let's be honest. But it's like that in any situation - it's like that with your best friend, with your enemies, with your siblings. You have days when you get along with people and days when you want to strangle them. I think that's true of a relationship that's continuing, or of a relationship that has ended. We're just lucky that the majority of days run smoothly. And even when they don't, we're in a situation where we're forced to laugh it off. We're lucky to be on a set where there's not much tension. Anything that might be hard is so minor in comparison to what other people go through in these situations.

Why did you decide on an annulment rather than a divorce?
I don't really want to get into the legality of it. If people had insight onto that, it [still] wouldn't give them any better understanding why the relationship ended.

Have you found time for a new boyfriend?
I think you have time for what you choose to have in your life. Luckily, I'm a person who doesn't require an extraordinary amount of sleep! [laughs] I strongly value my relationships and the people in my life. If I love somebody, they get everything I have to give as long as I'm not sacrificing myself. At the same time, I think when you get into this sort of a schedule, your circle of friends gets smaller; you keep the people who mean the most to you.

Can you say who you're dating?
There's nothing I need to go public on.

Have your friends helped?
My girlfriends are everything to me. At the same time, I do have a very grueling and demanding work schedule, and they know that sometimes when I'm on night shoots, they might go a week without speaking to me. Of course, it's hard being away from home -- I just miss them so much.

Your new movie John Tucker Must Die is about a high school player who is set up by the girls he has cheated on. Can you relate?
I think we've all known somebody like John Tucker, somebody who's pulled the wool over your eyes. The movie allowed all of us girls on the film to make light of certain personal situations that we've gone through in our own lives. It's always nice when you can laugh about something that made you cry.

Are you similar to your character, Beth?
It was really entertaining to create this girl who preaches a healthy, calm, Zen lifestyle. Then the moment she gets challenged, she starts to yell and become a lunatic. It's not the way I am at all.

What about your One Tree Hill character, Brooke?
I have certain similarities to Brooke now more than when the show began. I'm a fiercely loyal person. I can get excited about just about anything. Regardless of how hard it may be, I think there's always a way to find the light in a situation. At the same time, Brooke is a ditzy girl. I was a total bookworm in high school and college.

What's the best piece of advice your parents gave you?
To be honest with myself and the people in my life. I think when everything you do is based on honesty, it really helps prevent a big ego or conceit. It's very easy in this business for the people to be ruled by their egos, and my parents taught me that ego is a very ugly thing.

You just had your birthday. Did you celebrate on set?
I did! I got lucky because on Friday night when the midnight struck, it was my birthday. So at 1 a.m., I had an enormous cake and ate all of it! It was exceptional! I got to sleep until Saturday afternoon. We enjoyed our day off and gathered the whole crew together for dinner, and I had another cake. I got to celebrate twice and thought it was fantastic!

What is the biggest misconception about you?
After playing Brooke, I'm sure a lot of people assume that I'm a happy-go-lucky, pretty party girl! But that's not what I value. As much as I have my girly side, I am very much a tomboy. I love to be outdoors with my dogs. I love to go on road trips and adventures and learn. What I would love most is to be able to take a year off to travel around the world.

Where would you love to travel?
I'd really love to go to India. Also, Africa is an amazing continent with so much life and so many things I think would be eye-opening. At some point you hope to be in a position in your career where you can start dictating your schedule.

Are you environmentally minded?
I'm buying a hybrid car and changing all my light bulbs to the energy-efficient kind. I'm recycling and doing what I can because the state of the planet is just unacceptable.

Where do you want to be in 10 years?
I want to get to a place where I have the opportunity to do the jobs I want, where I start to have a bit of creative control. If I look back and have a meaningful body of work, and time with my friends and family scattered in between, I'll be a really happy girl.

What's your biggest vice?
I have a bit of shopping problem [laughs]. I've got such an addiction to shoes and handbags, it's silly. I'm trying to curb it, but it's hard because they're so much fun!

How was the OK! shoot?
I had a great time! It was an afternoon of playing dress-up, like a fairy tale. Trotting around in this massive mansion in amazing black-tie clothing; the whole thing was just hilarious.

i am

October 19

Two figures dance, alone on top of a hill. Their dance, a story about how far East really is from West. When sins are remembered no more. When each day is fresh, an a smile speaks of a future. Their dance is light, their rhythm joyful, their love more real than the soft grass they tread on...and that is enough.

Kaitlin Malone

25

Let those who are in favour with their stars
Of public honour and proud titles boast,
Whilst I, whom fortune of such triumph bars
Unlook'd for joy in that I honour most.
Great princes' favourites their fair leaves spread
But as the marigold at the sun's eye,
And in themselves their pride lies buried,
For at a frown they in their glory die.
The painful warrior famoused for fight,
After a thousand victories once foiled,
Is from the book of honour razed quite,
And all the rest forgot for which he toiled:
Then happy I, that love and am beloved,
Where I may not remove nor be removed.

hypnotized

All time favourite:)

better off alone

Moira Kelly: (about Sophia) Sophia is all girl. She has the most amazing presence. She is very sexy and she doesn't even know it. I don't think Chad stood a chance. No, not at all.

heart and soul